it felt real
the panic and trauma
of a 3:30am nightmare
but what makes it worse is when I woke up
I remembered that you're not there
with no funny anecdote
or keeping me close
or fingers running through my hair
just alone in the dark that wants to swallow me up
and trying so hard not to think it's not fair
I'll soothe my dry throat with days old water,
repeat a mantra of "please just any other thought"
but rewiring my brain from 6 months of just you
in minutes is clearly a long shot
the shadows around me look nothing like you,
the screams and sobs come so uncontrollably,
I'm trying to fill up the hole in my chest
with barely deep breaths and a lot of shit poetry
as I toss and turn I hate the feeling of my body
that's still not taken off your t-shirt
the mirrors all around my room show a me without you
and memories that don't care how much it hurts
now that you're not here to keep monsters away
they creep out from under my bed
like a scared little kid tangled up in the blanket
unguarded fears worm into my head
they eat at my brain— the greedy little things—
like my shattered heart wasn't enough
you consume my mind and my lungs and my heart
but this time I can't wake up