have you ever noticed how many breakup songs they play in restaurants
and stores that i go and the car radio
as if they were simply played Right There and Then to taunt
me
and myself and there's nobody else
who can stitch up the torn and ease this pain I've never felt
before
when I was yours and there was comfort in being mine
people keep telling me that "it will all heal with time"
but how to undo months and miles with you?
from being my every day
to tell myself,
"don't you fucking cave"
because there's no light when you venture into that dark
there's no more warm reassurance
can't be lit by the spark
or even the most perfect match
can't detach
when i always wonder if anything reminds you of me
because right now you're in every single breath that i breathe
and every inch of skin and limbs on my body
i wish i could change everything and be someone else entirely
cause you're in the way that i speak and how my room looks
but i can't bear to put you in the blanks of my songbook
you barely hide in the fold of my blanket
or the laundry on my floor from an overflowing basket
your name might be heard beneath the choking coughing and crying
your face is definitely in the dreams cruelly lying
painting to me a life where you're right by my side
and all of this was a nightmare i could just deny
because i hate my reflection with its puffy red faced complexion
my favourite colour and one of yours
i try to stop myself from thinking how you're better off—as if it's something where i could keep scores
because am i even trying? when my tears are hardly drying?
when you're in every feature of my face you used to stare at
because i swear i know deep down to every bone
that i really really shouldn't tell you that
but even after everything
i understand it would just sidetrack
but i still
really wish
you would just
come back