they’re playing sad love songs everywhere i go


have you ever noticed how many breakup songs they play in restaurants 

and stores that i go and the car radio 

as if they were simply played Right There and Then to taunt

me 

and myself and there's nobody else 

who can stitch up the torn and ease this pain I've never felt 

before 

when I was yours and there was comfort in being mine 

people keep telling me that "it will all heal with time"

but how to undo months and miles with you?

from being my every day 

to tell myself,

"don't you fucking cave"

because there's no light when you venture into that dark 

there's no more warm reassurance 

can't be lit by the spark

or even the most perfect match

can't detach

when i always wonder if anything reminds you of me

because right now you're in every single breath that i breathe

and every inch of skin and limbs on my body 

i wish i could change everything and be someone else entirely

cause you're in the way that i speak and how my room looks 

but i can't bear to put you in the blanks of my songbook 

you barely hide in the fold of my blanket 

or the laundry on my floor from an overflowing basket

your name might be heard beneath the choking coughing and crying 

your face is definitely in the dreams cruelly lying 

painting to me a life where you're right by my side 

and all of this was a nightmare i could just deny 

because i hate my reflection with its puffy red faced complexion 

my favourite colour and one of yours 

i try to stop myself from thinking how you're better off—as if it's something where i could keep scores

because am i even trying? when my tears are hardly drying?

when you're in every feature of my face you used to stare at 

because i swear i know deep down to every bone

that i really really shouldn't tell you that 

but even after everything

i understand it would just sidetrack

but i still

really wish

you would just

come back 

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