almost

i feel like a porcelain doll 

on the shelf collecting dust 

do you still think i’m pretty 

in the slumped way i’m sitting

cracks and crafted smiles oh, it's a pity 

have you got me tucked away? 

still in your mind but in the back where I stay

silently singing sad songs

when nothings really wrong

those words you never said to me anyway 

even in your one word replies

i still hang on to every letter 

you say you like staring in my eyes

if they weren't so dark, would you like me better? 

i don't want another one that got away 

only ever making it halfway

i’ll always be a ghost  

running out of almost  

you live in my songbook page

you're the song i could sing for days

i’m your nightingale sweetheart

if you promise that we won't part

lock me up my heart's used to a cage

even in the silence you give

it's still some music to my ears

in fact, it's deafening 

in the background of the sound of my fears

i don't want another one that got away 

only ever making it halfway

i’ll always be a ghost  

running out of almost  

idiot

I feel like I'd do something stupid if you asked me to

I’d make a fool of myself 

I feel like I’d lose it all just so I could be with you 

oh I swear it’s true 

only you can save me now

is it worth giving everything betting on one small thing?

a blooming feeling 

is it enough?

are the stars lining up or are we bound to be star crossed? 

oh i think too much 

enough for the both of us

not everyone’s gonna fall in love with the way i’m clueless

but I’m hoping you’re insane enough to wanna try to get through this 

I feel like an idiot 

for falling this fast 

I jumped right into it 

knowing the moment could pass 

are you crazy for me or just plain crazy?

if you want this say anything but don’t say maybe 

don’t leave me looking like a fool 

I’m in over my head when it comes to you 

say anything 

but don’t say maybe 

maybe you’re crazy 

me too 

and maybe it’s ridiculous how much you’d give up for me 

dangerous chemistry

the way we both react

and maybe it makes no sense how I’m all you think about 

I hope I don’t let you down 

cause if you follow me you can’t look back 

now every single time you open up your mouth my name falls out 

I show up in your dreams but am I what I seem? do you have doubts? 

cause I feel like an idiot 

for falling this fast 

I jumped right into it 

knowing the moment could pass 

are you crazy for me or just plain crazy?

if you want this say anything but don’t say maybe 

don’t leave me looking like a fool 

I’m in over my head when it comes to you 

say anything 

but don’t say maybe 

maybe you’re crazy

me too 

i feel like an idiot 

for wanting this bad

not knowing if you really meant 

all that you said 

say you’re crazy for me cause I’m going crazy

i want this but the only thing i tell you is maybe

don’t leave me looking a fool 

i’m in over my head when it comes to you 

say anything 

but don’t say maybe

cause i know you’re crazy 

me too 

at exactly 3:30am i woke up and thought of you

it felt real 

the panic and trauma 

of a 3:30am nightmare

but what makes it worse is when I woke up 

I remembered that you're not there

with no funny anecdote

or keeping me close 

or fingers running through my hair 

just alone in the dark that wants to swallow me up

and trying so hard not to think it's not fair

I'll soothe my dry throat with days old water, 

repeat a mantra of "please just any other thought" 

but rewiring my brain from 6 months of just you 

in minutes is clearly a long shot 

the shadows around me look nothing like you,

the screams and sobs come so uncontrollably,  

I'm trying to fill up the hole in my chest 

with barely deep breaths and a lot of shit poetry 

as I toss and turn I hate the feeling of my body 

that's still not taken off your t-shirt

the mirrors all around my room show a me without you 

and memories that don't care how much it hurts 

now that you're not here to keep monsters away 

they creep out from under my bed

like a scared little kid tangled up in the blanket 

unguarded fears worm into my head 

they eat at my brain— the greedy little things—

like my shattered heart wasn't enough 

you consume my mind and my lungs and my heart

but this time I can't wake up